2010 was an odd year for me. For many people in fact it seems. 2010 was the year I started this blog with the intention of writing regularly and also the year that I stopped posting for months at a time. It was the year that I was signed off sick from my teaching job for 8 months and the year that I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. A lot happened last year and much of it was not great. 2011 is the time to move on from that and start again.
At the end of March last year I was diagnosed with work related depression and signed off work for a short time. I was struggling with the stress at work, caused by several things, not least of all the sudden increase in workload my faculty experienced. I was also suffering from an injury sustained at work, caused by students. Shortly after being signed off work, I found out I was pregnant and soon after I was signed off work for the remainder of my pregnancy.
Lots of things happened over the course of the year. I found out that my injury was likely to permanent, meaning continual pain for the rest of my life. I found out that I was expecting a longed-for daughter. I found that I could cope with my depression, without medication, as long as I didn’t have to think about work, but when I did, I sank quickly. I found out that I had gestational diabetes and that I could overcome my fear of needles to a large extent, given that I had to do four pin prick tests a day and inject myself with insulin four times a day. Of course, these things don’t involve “real needles”, but when I came home from hospital having given birth, I was required to inject myself with blood thinners twice a day for four days – real needles. It made me feel physically sick having to injecct myself but I managed it, which is something I never thought I would be able to do.
What else happened in 2010? I found that I was able to recruit some fantastic people to my Barefoot Books team and feel useful in offerering help to them. I taught myself to crochet (blame Kirsty Allsop for that!) and created a cot blanket for my new baby, as well as several hats, a cardigan and some presents for people.
And I avoided this blog. I made a great effort on this one. I couldn’t face it. I felt defeated and the thought of writing a blog post made me anxious. However, over the last couple of weeks, I’ve found myself wanting to write status updates on Facebook that are long and involved and thinking “this really should be a blog post, not a status update” and it’s been happening more and more often. So I’m willing to take that as a kick up the proverbial and make an attempt to get back into the blog, amongst other things.
2011 is going to be different. I’m still suffering with depression but am getting help with it. I am blessed with two beautiful children who adore each other and am filled with wonder at how quickly my baby daughter is changing. I am making plans for the future and am finding outlets for the creative streak I have found over the last year.
Wish me luck, I’m moving on!