Dear So and So …
My first time doing this, so I hope I am not breaking any rules!
when I have managed to get you off for the nap you so clearly needed, I do not expect you to wake up in less time than it takes to fill the kettle. I had been antipating a nice relaxing coffee and I think it is bad manners of you to interupt this.
Yours, caffeine deprived,
Dear Lollipop Lady
I believe you do a valuable job, I really do. However, I think you’ll find drivers more inclined to stop for you if you wait until you have more than one child waiting to cross the road before stopping traffic. Gathering a few together would be far more efficient, and would prevent you from having to stop every other car at peak time. Oh and while you’re at it, those unaccompanied adults can cross the road for themselves. They really don’t need your assistance to get back to their badly parked car.
Yours, a frustrated parent from another school (which doesn’t have a Lollipop Lady).
Dear Young Man with his trousers belted below his arse cheeks
I am ecsatic that you saw your friend in a car in the lane next to me. However, before going to speak to him, can I ask that in future, you look before you step into the road and do not then decide to stand in the nearside lane, bloking traffic (me!) whilst you talk to the passenger of the car in the lane next to me. It would also be great if you could stop your yappy little dogs from dashing out into the road after you. Please and thank you.
The driver who found out that her horn isn’t working.